You might have not guessed so far if you are new here, but this is supposed to be a blog of a wannabe writer ( I know I stray from that path far to often but I do post poems and short stories), and as a wannabe, I feel infuriated when I hear some of these things happen to people and could potentially happen to me. So I compiled a list of things I have found online and what I could think of that could depress a writer and probably cause some anger issues.
- So what’s your REAL job? – just fuck you and your judgment, writing IS a real job! (if one is lucky enough to get published or smart enough to make self-publishing work for them)
- You should do it for exposure – no matter how much we like being creative and writing, we also do need to feed ourselves or we will die, eventually. Exposure feeds no bellies
- I wish I had the time to write – because yeah, I have all the time in the world with a job and pursuing a diploma and constantly jammed schedules. Please do continue how your unemployed mooch ass has it harder than me
- Is your book good? Will it be a bestseller? – Who the fuck knows? It’s bad enough we are in constant fear that what we write is garbage, do not remind us of such…
- I have an amazing idea that you should totally write about cuz it will make you rich and famous – yeah well, get in line kid… I have more than 1000 of my own.
- You’re a writer? You and everyone else ha ha… – What? Huh? Excuse me?
- You are so lucky you have such an easy job – oh yeah, my job is super easy, and part of it is killing you in my mind and recreating the very specific way you would have died in my next chapter
- You shouldn’t swear in your writing – oh well… fuck you asshole.
- Can you write my biography? I have had an extremely interesting life – come down there, you are still 30 and haven’t even had sex yet, you live in a basement, what could your life have possibly been about so far?
- Do you hope it will ever turn into something real? – nope, never, it hurts too much to hope. That’s why I just stalk Hope instead…
- Can I read your novel? – if it is published you can buy it, like everyone else, I do require an income as well, if not, well then maybe, but the testing and training course you need to pass first to be my beta reader leaves you with better chances of becoming a SEAL.
- Want to edit something for me? – sure I like to think I am qualified but in the real world, I definitely am not. On the other hand, I might enjoy ripping your baby to shreds with the many errors and plotholes you might have, so please do send me a hundred emails to look at your first chapter.
- I’ve heard self-publishing is a thing – thanks for stating the obvious and for learning to use google, good for you!
- How’s the book coming along? – now this isn’t annoying in the first few times, but if repeated by more than 10 times, it makes me want to murder you in your sleep most probably
- Here is what you need to do… – excuse me, who granted you the wisdom necessary to bestow it upon me? If you are not a published author of at least two to three bestsellers, you do not get a chance to tell someone exactly what they need to do. You can suggest, but in a polite, humanly manner, and not be a dick
- No offense but – if those three words are followed by anything related to the thing I am working on right now, you will be dead to me in this and every other future life where we might meet. I do not need the illusion to break thank you very much.I read a book similar to yours – so has everyone. There is nothing unique in any book anymore, everything has been done, so just shut up and read the damn book.
- Writing YA is easy, right? I should try it, I need the extra money – just because a certain genre is immensely popular right now it does not mean that everyone can write a good novel. It is said that all writers do live in some form of denial, but you are not the next Marie Lu, Veronica Roth or Victoria Schwab, get over yourself.
- Does anyone even buy books anymore? – those damn weirdos, I guess they will never start destroying the oxygen we so desperately need for our brains to function, some more than others.
- Fifty Shades of Grey is LIKE, THE BEST BOOK EVER – go sit in the corner and think about your actions
- I don’t read – why are we even having a conversation than. We clearly have nothing in common, I wish you a good day (mostly).
- How’s the little blog thing that you own? – I can imagine this one being the most infuriating to me if someone did ask me this. I put every bit of my free time into my blog, albeit not much, but it is still hard work, harder work than I am doing for my actual studies that might determine my future.
- Hurry up and finish your book. It can’t be that hard – WHATEVER YOU SAY MASTER, SORRY TO EVER SO KEEP YOU WAITING!
AND A SUPER SECRET BONUS ONE THAT IS:
- This is OK for a first draft. This is the first draft, right? – ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH * screams until eternity *\
If you have anything to add leave it in the comments below.