Chapter 30 – Drivers licence

I’ve been thinking a lot about the cosmic fact that the year I decided to take the drivers test, and in the month of when I am supposed to be signing up, the BIGGEST song in Gen Z culture is Drivers licence.

It’s been on my mind for some time now, but I’ve always found reasons to avoid it or prolong it because of this or that. It really is so weird how the universe speaks to you.

For years I was so afraid of driving, and still one of my biggest fears is that I am going to kill someone on accident (a discussion for another day), and for the last few months I just… wasn’t.

Nothing had changed really, I’m still mentally unstable and unavailable, concentration and coordination somewhat questionable, but probably not enough to know upfront that I will be a bad driver, cuz if it ever turns out that I am a danger to society on the road, you best believe I will never sit behind a wheel again.

I have started learning to read what the universe, or what ever you want to call it, throws at me, in terms of signals and messages because I do believe there is something, out there, guiding us, and I think we all, to some extent, believe in the same thing, we just give them different names. For me, it’s the universe.

And I know how it looks like – It’s such a vague sign that it’s almost translucent and I hear ya, I get it, but I’m not crazy I swear ( my mother had me tested). I just like to believe that there is always a nudge in the right direction, that everything has a purpose and a meaning, and while I do not believe everything happens for a reason because there are some thing that you can’t explain or justify with that logic, if you just listen and observe, you’ll know where you are supposed to go and what to do.

When I was leaving my last job to come work in this firm, the reason why I decided in the end to switch jobs is because, on the day I got the call if I wanted to work at my current employer, I had a day off and I was planning on going around town and searching and applying for new jobs anyway. Are you going to tell me that, the day I was going to apply to a lot of random places for another job I get a phone call from one of my professors if I would like a job, and I’m not supposed to look at it as a sign?

Hell no.

That’s how I feel about me getting a drivers license as well, and Olivia, thank you for helping me decide easier and for making me sure in my decision. Even if you will never know it, you probably helped a bunch of others besides myself.

Now, I have no idea what I am going to do about the fact that I wanted to start going to therapy in January as well, and the only ads on YouTube I have been getting for the past two weeks are the RTT method by Marissa Peer, but I will designate a timeslot for that overthinking in the upcoming weeks.

Until then, it’s on ignore.

And I’m out here, looking for new signs that I am OK and that I am on the right path, that I am doing what I was supposed to be, because I think I will never be sure on my own.

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