Chapter 4- When making an effort becomes pointless

You can try your best and sometimes it will not be good enough.

You can do all the right steps, all the right moves and think ahead and it still won’t be enough. Sometimes it’s not up to you. Sometimes it is the world that is against you.

There will always be someone who thinks that you are not worth it.

There will always be someone who thinks they are worth more than you because of some imaginary things they like to tell themselves to sleep better at night. People give themselves all kinds of freedom when it comes to judging others.

And all the effort that you put into bettering yourself won’t be visible. All the effort you put into making someone believe you are worth it can go out the fucking window as far as some people are concerned. They can either be blind, don’t care or don’t want to see the truth that was in front of them all along.

When you leave, that is when they might notice what you did for them and how much effort you put into everything.

When they no longer see the effort there will be a point, but, I am getting ahead of myself.

You will run into people who consider themselves gatekeepers of some sorts. They will think they are all mighty and everyone blows wind up their asses. They will believe they have the decision to make you or break you.

Some of them will succeed. Someone will be fragile enough and they will succumb to their bullshit. They will believe that them putting in the effort will become pointless at some point. There won’t be anyone to tell them to believe in them self and persevere

There will always be a person who will study every day and every night, who will put into so much extra work into their shifts, extra work into their business or their thesis and will always be told NO.

People like saying no all the time. It makes them powerful when their inflated egos are fragile like grape on a winter frost.

All I can hope for all of you is that you will believe in yourself rather than what everyone says. That’s not to say that you should go around with blind confidence and believe everything should be up on your plate just because you exist.

You have to believe in your abilities when no one else does. It comes around. It did for me.

Even in the dark pits of my mind I always doubted that things would change for the better, but somehow, someway I kept my head about water. I still wouldn’t know to tell you how it all came to place. All I know is that it fixes itself, for most of us.

I just sucked it up, my motto was “Fuck it, it has to work out” and it somehow did. Something to be told about the power of positive thinking I guess.

But for a while, all my effort did seem pointless. My studies were pointless, but job was pointless, my blog was pointless.

And I wish at least one of those wasn’t at the same time, probably would have been easier to cope with everything life had to throw at me.

After being pointless, it will start to make sense. Don’t know how, when or even why, but I like to think is that the universe has a mechanism of making sure its plans come to fruition.

That’s the only lesson you could get that works anyway, and hey, it was even free. You’re welcome, I guess?

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