This is not what I would usually post or what I will usually post, but this is the other part, the darkness, an equal piece of me.
I was thinking about it for weeks for me bizarre reasons that I can’t explain. I was in a good place, I didn’t live through any tragedies, that is just something that occurried to me. But I will write it with a dose of comedy and sarcasm, to make myself feel better most of all, which is the reason why I started this blog in the first place.
Let’s get started.
First on my list is the classic The Pretty Reckless song “Make me want to die” for numerous reasons. It speaks about death, that is what you would like at a funeral I presume. It has that sort of tone, and it could be used as a message to a someone that could not have been said during the time I was alive. Also, I really like to listen to this song when I feel like doing nothing or just hate generally. I also have a habit of using this song as an excuse to hate on Mondays, every Monday, until it bores me.
Next up could probably tone it down with sad melodies and lyrics, and the ideal person to do that is Lykke Li. Most of her brilliant songwriting draws tears to my eyes everytime I listen to her albums: The most fitting would be “Everybody but me” ( you know, as in everyone is alive but me), and “Silent my song” (also self-explanatory).
Then I might mix it up with my favorite songs as a kind of ME segment. Starting with Trainwreck by Banks because is that is what I am, or was, or … whatever. To continue in the same tone, I would like to use “I’m a ruin” by Marina and the Diamonds, similar tonalities and lyrics, with the same meaning. Another BANKS song – “Fuck with myself” since I do fuck with myself more than anybody else. You can check my twitter feed, I talk about it all the time. If you think all I do is shit talk about myself here you are right. That is what I have been doing for a large portion of my life. Going on I would probably choose “24 hours” by Lana del Rey, another queen of depression. It would also symbolize how there is only 24 hours in a day and how I always need more to get all my shit done. Finishing this segment with “Free” by Ryn Weaver, meaning that I am free in some ways, liberated, saved (even though that is not what the song is about).
Second to last would be “Sorry” from Meg Myers, since I will probably have a lot of regrets by then, a lot to be sorry for and a long line of people to apologize to for a lot of things. That is mostly common in a persons life. No one is without regrets and I am no exception. But that is another story for another time.
What makes me human is that desire to set things right, to correct my past and my mistakes. It is the least I can do when I leave this place.
And lastly, the reason all of this even exists, this place, this state of mind, these thoughts and feelings – “REALITI” by Grimes.
I like to think of it as a full circle. Realiti is what brought me here, made me realize that reality in which I live in and awaken my burning desire in me for things to change, so by default in should be the end. Will I change my reality? I hope to find out by that time I actually die. I hope I have a lot of time to figure this out.