I can’t even see myself blink, hear or taste my breath. I have been in the dark for far too long, only seeing the light at scheduled times, always at the same time in the week.
It has been a nightmare ever since I left my house, three years ago, at least I think it was three years ago. You really lose track being trapped in a closet in a damp, isolated basement in the middle of nowhere. Time is an imaginary category now.
There used to be more of us here, but they were all taken. I counted seven the first time I came here, now I am the only one. He took the last one just a few days ago. I am all alone, not that it is any different now than it was before, I just have more room to stretch my legs out.
The shackles around my joints have scarred me so deep that sometimes my limbs are numb. I do not know how much space surrounds me. He makes sure I don’t know.
He feeds me blindfolded, he bathes me with a sack over my head, not really caring too much about me. Sometimes his hands are soft, soothing, at times rough. It depends on his moods I guess.
When he opens the closet he makes sure that my eyes are closed or he likes to leave bruises on my face or ribs.
I went over everything I ever did in my life a close to a thousand times. There is not much to go over really.
Sometimes I wish I never made that turn, that I never went into that street or that I should have fought back against the two-hundred-pound gorilla that took me captive in my teens.
He does not touch me outside of the scheduled “appointments”. That is the only time I am touched by a human being. I miss hearing sounds. I miss the warmth of skin being close next to me when I ran towards my mother with silly childlike problems.
A crack in the wooden floor draws my attention. He is coming. I need to prepare myself.
The click of the door warns me that he is a second away. I want to see his face, I want to know the monster who did this to me, but I can’t. I almost died last time. It’s better to play by the rules.
Somebody might ask themselves how I have not lost faith so far that I will ever be rescued from this torture. It’s the only thing that makes me go to sleep soundly, knowing that someday, maybe, just maybe, it will all be over. It’s very easy to just give up like I should have multiple times, but then I would never see my parents again, I will never find out who they really are.
A ray of light warms my eyelids but not my eyes, I know better than that by now.
He unlocks my shackles easily, in two moves. If I had more strength, I probably could break free from them as well and not remain a prisoner anymore. Who knows how wise that is, if I attempted and failed… I don’t even want to think about it.
A soft fabric covers my eyes. I am blindfolded. But why, where are you taking me? My dust full lungs feel like screaming, my teeth want to sink into his flesh.
He grabs my wrist tight, it would almost hurt if it weren’t numb as it is.
I hit my foot on the first step because he does not know how to guide a blind person. I suck it up. I need to, it’s a contract I signed. We are going to the top floor. This can’t be good.
Light leaves my sight and immediately as we climb to the top, the damp and dark air hits my nostrils. The blood, the rot. Someone died here.
– I don’t want to be here – I yell, my feet itching to kick something solid, something other than air for the first time in what seems like an eternity at times.
– You belong to me, sweet child of mine. I must stop you before you become a monster. I cannot allow it.
I try yanking the chains away from his grasp but he is too strong. He takes my blindfold off. Multiple bodies are lying on the ground, in a dark attic that no one ever goes out alive it seems.
Something is moving, I can hear it in the distance. There are other people here, other people who are polluting their lungs with the smell of decay. There are seven of them, slowly approaching me. They look like they are ready to kill.
– We are your one and true family, and we will be responsible for stopping you from committing more of this carnage!
What carnage? This couldn’t have been me?
– What have I done? I want to know. Tell meeeeee– I yell from the bottom of my lungs.
– You are a demon and we need to get rid of you from this planet. You have taken far too many lives in such a short life, and it needs to end- he shouts while his minions move in closer to me.
All the rage bottled up inside me surfaces. My face is like fire while my hands are like steel. This is the moment when I need to escape.
The layers and layers of insecurities and doubts and suffering are bubbling up underneath my skin. I am losing it. I am really close to breaking after all this time in silence. Voices and smells seem new to me.
Everything I have known for a long time is a lie. My family is not what it was. They are a bunch of murderers, killers in disguise.
The bricks start to crack. Piece by piece they fall down.
It all shatters to pieces. A neck cracks. The walls fall.