LIVING ON
Stability? What is that even? Who is that?
It’s something that is so hard to achieve in my life, it’s almost a unicorn at this point. Every time it seems like the pieces are finally fitting in together something changes, there is always a shift. I am constantly climbing mountains only to be standing at its edges all the time, waiting for the drop because I know it is coming. It always comes.
One might ask how can I live my life being never optimistic, always seeing the worst things to come, constantly overthinking and figuring out doomsday scenarios. I would like to have the answers to that question since I am sure it requires more than one.
Just as I figure out something, I try to move away from the edge, not to stare into the abyss because I am fucking afraid of heights, I know there is someone who is going to push me over it. That made my fear of heights transcend into fear from falling.
But I have gotten quite good at falling, and still I fear the heights, still, I fear the edge. Sometimes I think it’s the edge of my sanity, other times I believe that edge is me – constantly torn between two sides, as an edge normally is.
I don’t know how many lives I have and how many times I can survive the fall. I wish I knew, it would make things much easier.
But hey, it’s better than going down in circles, at least that’s what helps me sleep at night, that it’s always a different, that the verge is always different.
Tomorrow, the edge is going to represent my past, a past I have been avoiding to revisit for months now but there is no other way. Tomorrow, I jump over the edge and deal with everything that is unresolved.
Tomorrow I am going back to freefalling…

That’s it for today’s post! If you liked it and if you can find something in those words that comfort you make sure to tell me that I am not alone, that you are not alone.
If you think anyone is in a similar position, share the post, it’s ok to be walking on the edge. Follow my blog for more stuff to read in the future. My socials are out there somewhere. Let’s help each other.
My last post is a poem, check it out, I write a lot of stuff so there is something for everyone.
Thank you so so much for taking the time to read this, have a great day/evening/night and I’ll read ya next Monday.

 

3 Replies to “Chapter 36- Living on the edge

  1. I love your site. It’s so beautifully quirky. Your use of colors and the layout of everything is crazy and wonderful. You’re writing though, is even better. I love every word of this post. Please write more.

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