Chapter 12 – Right now?

What happened to all the times when you neglected me, when I was irrelevant, when I was on the side, crying my heart out, when no one paid any attention to me whatsoever?

Where were you when I was all alone? Where were you when my dark thoughts just crept in and didn’t want to leave, when they were so strong that they almost took over and ended it all?

All you had to do is stay. Stay alive. Stay here, with me. It was too much for you.

You didn’t want me at the right time, the right way, at the right place. Nowhere.

I was nowhere with you.

Kept in the dark, when my skin needed a little bit of sunlight.

I was nothing to you.

It was like living in denial all the time, in denial of my own existence.

So now, why do you need me now? Why right now? What is happening right now? Are you lonely? Are you sad? Are you in a dark place? Do you need me to warm you up? Is that all I am for you?

I would come back to you, you know I always do and that is always the problem. You don’t give me the freedom to thrive, but you expect me to always blossom. Is that sustainable? How do you not see it?

I was there for you, but you want me at your own convenience and at my own expense.

Will I ever learn? Will I ever value myself, as I should? Crying will get me nowhere, I should know that by now.

Right now is the time. Right now is perfect. Right now is the time to leave you behind. Allow me. I will break my shell and you will be sorry that I won’t need you to need me anymore.

Chapter 12 - Right now_(1).jpg

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