I have seen the best in people. I have seen the worst. Mostly, it was the worst in people that I was gifted with. Not a gift that I ever wanted, but my Santa Claus never did deliver the goods I desired.
Reflecting back on my entire existence, I have noticed that people really liked to screw me over. Like really screw me over to the point where I am questioning if I should even be alive or not anymore…
I guess I am easily “screwable”, for whatever the reason being. I have always had at least one friend who wanted to get the better of me. Lately I have been avoiding them all, they gave up on me at the beginning so I thought it would be prime time to return the favor. My family, a bunch of hypocrites and vultures. I feel like no one ever really understood me, and that is such a cliché thing to say I am aware. No one is ever really understood. I never really felt that the people around me had good intentions, especially towards me.
I have been deprived of goodness in my life for a large portion of it.
Previous work hasn’t been any kinder. There are lots of people who I thought I could trust, but as it turns out, I am just a sucker. I was born a sucker and will always be one. Some things just stay a constant in the equation.
It has been hard lately to deal with the fact that I am not important to people to who I thought I was. They didn’t have good intentions towards regarding our friendship, if we can even call that.
I noticed that is common practice these days. People take advantage of people, break them, shatter them to pieces and just leave them for someone else to repair. Those who have repairmen are the lucky ones, not are all blessed with such a gift.
I have known for quite some time that there are evil people in the world, but I never suspected that their numbers are growing. It pays dividends to be bad towards other, to neglect them, take them for granted. Sometimes it is not all clear where the person aligns. Is it the dark side or the light? Those people are the worst to me.
How do they live with themselves? Is it not having continence what it takes to be like that? I am not sure how I can live with myself after what I hear what is going on in the world. Forget the world, I can’t deal with the shit that is going on around me, let alone bombs flying above someones’ head and all the blood being spilled on the streets because of envy or hate.
How can they not have a moral compass? Is that something that is taught? If so, are there ways to unteach it as well?
I have always wondered whether evil is born or is it created. I would like to believe the second. It makes more sense to me to be evil is a reaction towards someone elses’ misdoings. I believe good is born, but evil sucks it in as a part of its grand scheme. Certain people just attract the worst there is. I am a prime example.
Where did the good go? No one knows. It left. Good has left the chat.
Maybe it thinks that people are less and less deserving of its presence. Maybe, and just maybe, it doesn’t care for us anymore. The rest of the good part of this world will have to stand together in these times and maybe we will rule again.
The people that have hurt us, taken advantage of us, screwed us over countless times because we are forgiving gullible fools, they will rule. It remains to be seen for how long their kingdom will sustain. All we can do is be cautious to who we give our hearts, there are always people who want to break it.
Keep the good ones close, for as long as you can. That is what I intend to do. I am grateful that I have a few people that keep me grounded, and I hope they know how much they mean to me.
I wish I could have organized my thoughts on this matter a lot better. For the time being, my thoughts will remain here, eager to be proved wrong at some point in my life.