So this post will be somewhat different than the usual. Quite recently I started my last year of university studies and frankly I started freaking out over things that still await me after that.
My biggest concern is that even with a bachelors degree I will be stuck at some dead-end job, have no perspective what so ever and just die in mediocrity…
Living alone doesn’t scare me, I practically live alone now. It’s no paying rent or food or utilities, I have done that as well for a while now since I had to work and go to uni. It’s not the fact that all of my friends are moving to different cities, I will visit them and we will always chat! 
It’s having no perspective, no future…
I wish this blog would generate the interest so that I wouldn’t need to fear that, or that my studies will actually give me any competent skills, but I fear that won’t be the case. I never really had much expectations of my blog to begin with, as a matter of fact, I already exceeded that in late August, but I do wish to become better. 
I wish to do a lot of online classes to be able to say that I know some shit. My biggest fear is that I will have to go back to my restaurant job and be miserable all over again! All this has brought stress back into my life, just when I got rid off a lot of it.
The real world is a scary place, a very big ocean, one in which I was pushed prematurely and I still haven’t learned to swim. 
Some days I have the motivation to work so fucking hard to achieve all of my personal goals, but on many days it gets tough to get up in the morning and to believe that everything will be OK, because I live in this fucking country because I always think of the worst possible scenario, because it’s not easy for me to just be optimistic when everything is pointing in the wrong direction.
It’s so hard to be aware of the fact that I need to go to classes, work a job and also motivate myself to do a lot of learning and self-growth. It’s depressing to think that y doing all of that, I have no time for myself or for my creativity. It’s hard, every day.
The real world devours people like me.
I fear what’s to come.
I fear going back into that hole again and I don’t want to be there. It was so hard to escape it once… Living in this world is hard, every day. You need to get used to it.
Tomorrow hopefully it’s time to work hard again. That’s the only thing that I can influence, that I can change. That’s the only thing that’s up to me.

2 Replies to “Chapter 33-Adulting 101

  1. Sadly, I have to agree that your bachelors degree, whatever it is your doing, unless you have some immediate connections, won’t get you the job you want straight away! (And even then, we have to start from the bottom most of the time anyway)
    We live in a world that runs on money, and a bit of luck, and all we can do, is keep going, and believe in ourselves!
    I relate so much to this post right now its unbelievable! I still live with my parents, clean up after people for a living, and bills and debts cripple us most weeks, and moving out isn’t an option at the moment. I wouldn’t mind living on my own either!
    But, as I said, all you can do is keep going, and keep believing that your day will come! And always make time for your passions, if you don’t, the world will eat you up completely and life becomes even less worth living!
    Good luck though, the last year of uni is definitely the hardest, but if you put the graft in, you’ll suceed! No point slacking now after you worked your ass off for two years, right? 😊

    1. my bachelors degree is four years, but yes I do get your point, and honestly that’s the only thing that keeps me going atm 🙁
      and I agree with you so much and can really relate, we do need time devoted to our passions! when I didn’t have time last year I was misserable as fuck, slowly moving towards depression but it was hard to choose myself of having a steady income, and sometimes I do wonder if I made the right choice in the end, I guess only time will tell
      I do hope our blogs kick off though, I would love nothing more :3
      Thanks for sharing as well, it can be really hard sometimes

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