Panic kicks in. The adrenaline rushes, every time I walk past the door frame.
This is my own personal hell. It’s a state one enters when everything you seem to do has no meaning or when you simply lose the desire to function as a normal human being and you start to panic whenever you think about doing normal human things.
I have a whole room dedicated to those moments. It’s easy to find and easy to access. It’s always there, waiting for me, it has made itself comfortable. 
When I start losing my mind, that’s where I go to cool off. When I start feeling pressure or anxiety over certain things, that is where I go to calm myself. When I feel rage and anger that’s where I go to forget it all.
It’s reliable, it keeps snack and beverages ready for me, it snuggles me with blankets when I need them. It comforts me in my rage moments, ensures me everything will be alright (like in that Alicia Keys song).
At this point, I feel comfortable to joke about it. I certainly wasn’t for a long time in the past but now I have come to terms with its existence. It’s a blessing but a curse as well, it means I have a place to hide but then again it means that at times I am running away, not facing.
It means I have a very dark side. It means I have built a safe haven over the thunder and storm that is my life because it was a necessity. I wish it wasn’t.
I wish I could just tare down the walls and escape all of this madness. Escape the panic room. Escape it to the other side.
But for now, I am gladly welcomed to the panic room, and so are you.

Let me know what are your thoughts!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.