It’s like, all of a sudden, everyone wants to be ultra mega giga successful, and the competition to get somewhere is bigger than ever… Everyone is so competitive, everyone is hungry. I can feel it, and I don’t like it.
There is less and less left to take, all that there is, is already taken or reserved…
And I think I am the only one who does not feel the hunger for anything – the hunger to finish school, the hunger to find a new job, to up my blogging presence, to finish my novel even. I am not hungry enough to try new things and I fucking wish I was.
I wish I had this urge in me, the urge to keep moving forward, but I don’t know if I am tired, worn out, done for or just simply lazy, if this is just a phase and if it is when will it end, PLEASE?
There are so many excuses that I could pull from the drawer at any given time and I feel like I am cheating myself from a lot of great things, from a lot of memories and feelings.
I am robbing myself out of a lot of experiences and growth by staying still, waiting.
And it’s not like I don’t work at all, I just know that there is always room for more, that I could do more, and I should… but I just, don’t. People tell me that I am just pressuring myself, but I know where I want to be, but I don’t have the fight in me anymore to get there, and that is the problem. I am only 22, I am supposed to be able to win those kinds of battles.
In a world saturated by ideas of superstardom and instant celebrity status, that’s everyone’s dream. I know that I write good posts, and it kills me that no one will ever see them. They are still for me mostly, but I feel like a lot of people could find something there, in this space, for them.
I do wish I did more, that the hunger required resides in me, but for now, it does not.
Isn’t that a problem?